Week Seven

I started this week off on fire, ready to kick the burnout and get myself motivated and back to my prior 110% commitment. I sat down with my books and my notebook, planned my meals and my workouts and thought I was ready to run with it.

I didn't do all that bad. I need to be less harsh on myself. And I really need to write in that journal. I need to be accountable for my actions. The workouts are getting easier, which I think means I'm getting stronger (a good thing) but I'm not pushing myself as hard (a bad thing). I feel good but I'm still frustrated with my scale weight and how uncontrolled I act on free day. I guess my mind is getting out of the game and I need to refocus.

Eating was a big challenge this week. I didn't get my normal grocery shopping done early in the week which meant I had to be creative to come up with meals that sounded good and were balanced and nutritious. That was hard. Lesson learned is that I need to plan, shop, prepare and stick to the plan. Simple as that.

I've also learned that I'm an "all or nothing" kind of person when it comes to free day. I can do really well with my eating so long as I don't give a bad food choice even a thought. As soon as I tell myself that a few crackers won't hurt, half the box is gone. I did so well with this weakness in the beginning but I've let myself slip. I am going to do better this week. I know I can be perfect with my nutrition and that it is 80% of my success so I'm going to make it my #1 priority from here on out.

I guess my biggest fear is that I won't see the results I'm hoping for and that I'll look back and say that all this hard work was for nothing. I look at my week 4 photos and progress and can't help but think that I've digressed since then. I haven't got out a tape measure, mostly because I'm scared I'll be disappointed in the numbers. I do weigh myself frequently (perhaps too often) and know that my scale weight is not only not going down any longer, but is starting to creep up. This is extremely frustrating. I know it is not all about the scale and the my body is changing regardless of the numbers I see; still, I would really like to see those numbers go down. And not just go down but significantly change so that in the end I can say that all the hard work is worth it. It is scary thinking that I won't believe it.

I also have to keep telling myself that I still have 5 weeks left of the challenge and then the rest of my life after that. Five weeks is a lot of time to still see great improvement. And if I don't get to the "perfect" transformation after these first 12 weeks, I will definitely be on my way and I'll keep at it and I will feel good and the changes will come. Eventually they will come. I just need to be consistent and most importantly, I need to be patient.

I ran 7 miles yesterday with a friend. I'm trying to decided whether or not to run a half marathon at the end of March, about a week after my challenge is over. I want to make sure that this transformation remains my top priority. It was shocking to me that I didn't really enjoy running, something that I used to really love. Long runs used to be my therapy, my "me" time. I really have grown to love my new BFL workouts and the energy and strength I feel from completing a hard workout. Change is good and I know my body and my mind are benefiting from this new lifestyle. Now I just need to remember that.

Gosh I sound like a broken record. Why can't I just keep it in my head how great this feels and how badly I want it?? I'm resolving to hold myself more accountable. I'm doing really well. So I have had a few slip-ups. It's nothing major and certainly not reason to give up and call it quits at this point.

I have measurements and photos next Sunday for my 8 week progress check. I'm extremely motivated to make a big change this week, kick everything up a notch and hopefully have some really great photos and results to post and share. I could really use some positive feedback at this point!